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July 1, 2012
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    The dreaded Captain Hook sailed the seven seas with his pirate crew, collecting any treasure he came across.  His ship, the Banana Apes, terrified any that had the misfortune to catch sight of Hook's ship.  Few outside his crew lived to give a description of the black-furred gorillas, as they never liked to keep prisoners.  His crew only took one injury between its twenty members: the captain had lost his left hand in a duel against another pirate, Captain Greybeard; the only defeat he ever had.  He had since replaced the missing hand with a hook, giving him the name Hook.  Over time, Hook's treasure hoard became so large that he had to bury it on an uninhabited island.  He made sure that nobody outside his crew could reach by burying half of it and placing the rest in huts that his crew built on top of the trees.  Eventually, the Banana Apes became so well known that its crew had to create a port on their treasure island and base there, as docking in any other port would risk the sinking of the Banana Apes.

    Captain Hook's crew eventually fell into a repetitious schedule, with only minor alterations between days.  They would wake up, set their ship to sail, pillage a few ships, then return and hide any treasure they made that day.  It didn't take too long for Hook to become bored with the routine.  On a few days, chosen randomly, he would stay at their island and let the crew steal treasure without him.  His ship never took any damage from cannon fire, and his crew never lost a hand.

    Soon, Hook came across an unusual person.  Sometime in the Fall, while pillaging a ship, bored with the lack of resistance that he usually was met with, Hook noticed someone wearing a strange black jacket.  He read the back, which had just two words on it, written in yellow letters.  Hook had the person stand up and tell Hook what the jacket meant.

    "M-my jacket? That's just my biker gang's name, the Road Ragers," he said, unsure of what the gorilla had asked.  Intrigued and curious as to what a "biker gang" was, Hook asked the man questions about it, which were answered hurriedly.

    "So-oo captain, what shou-oold we-ee do-oo with the ship?" asked another member of Hook's crew, one he recognized as the cabin boy, Beringei.  Hook told the ape to only take the rest of the treasure and return to their island.  A few other crew hands heard this order while moving a box, and gave each other a confused look, as Captain Hook had never told them to leave the ship alone.  They all returned to their ship, wondering what their captain was thinking.

    A few days later, Hook had his crew bring the Banana Apes close to land.  When they were close enough, he told the crew to go back to the island as he jumped ship with a bag, which Hook had filled with a few changes of clothes and some money.  The crew just stood at the side of the ship, both stunned and confused about what Hook had just done.  It took them until he had reached the shore to finally realize that Hook abandoned them for, as far as they knew, no reason at all.  Hook was set on becoming a biker, even though he knew almost nothing about it.

    Months after Hook had abandoned the ship, the Banana Apes eventually ended its career as a pirate ship.  Without Hook acting as captain, almost all of the crew had given up on the life of a pirate.  The old first mate of the ship, Pongo Diehli, now made captain, hated the lack of motivation from his crew.  Deciding that enough was enough, Pongo gathered the remains of the pirate crew and set off to get Hook back as captain.

    It took weeks of searching, but the crew of the Banana Apes eventually found their captain again, sitting at a diner, still wearing his red captain's hat.  They found Hook purely by luck, as they only stopped at the diner to eat because of the name, Plain-tanes.  Wanting to act casual about it, Pongo went to talk with Hook alone.

    "Hey there, Hook.  What've you been up to?" Pongo said, nearly failing to hide his excitement.  Hook looked up from his food and greeted the silverback ape, offering Pongo a seat.  Pongo sat down across from Hook, and the two started a conversation about what the other had been doing since Hook had left.  Hook started the conversation by telling Pongo of his time biking.

    "I really don't know how I never heard of it before," Hook said, happiness clear in his voice, "The feel of wind in my fur, the freedom of an open road, and even more places to get bananas.  You guys really should try biking with me sometime."  Pongo removed his eye patch and rubbed his head, and told Hook that the Banana Apes crew was a band of pirates; that they gather treasure on the open seas rather than ride motorcycles over a highway.  Hook shook his head, telling Pongo that he shouldn't mock it until he tried it at least once.

    The crew waited outside the diner for hours as Pongo and Hook talked about why Hook should return to pirating, and why Pongo and the crew should try biking instead.  Pongo eventually walked out of the diner, a look of defeat clear on his face.  He told his crew that Hook was set on staying as a biker.  Disappointed, the crew started to return to their ship, all but the cabin boy, Beringei.  Beringei instead walked into the diner and told Hook that the crew needed the captain back or they would risk disbanding, then rushed out to leave with the others.  Hook, annoyed at the statement, went off to have a talk with his old crew.

    Hook managed to catch the crew before they reached their ship.  Taking off his hat, Hook removed the feather and gave it to Pongo.  Hook told the crew that Pongo was the official captain, and that they shouldn't disband just because they were missing a single member.  After letting his former crew say their farewells, Hook rode off on his motorcycle.  Hook may have to ride alone, but he still enjoys it.  Without others around, Hook could return to his true, carefree nature without risking anyone finding out about it.
Well, figured out how writing stuff on DA works. Now if only I could get to sleep. May edit this description when I'm rested, but I may not. Just copy-pasted my journal entry here, more or less. Don't count on me writing any more than this joke-fic.

(Title and main character's name taken from an episode of Rainbow Dash Presents)

EDIT: In less than two days after posting, this has been my most viewed, most fave'd, and most commented-on piece of work. I have no idea why. I just wrote this as a joke.
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:iconnamaramac:
namaramac Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Student Writer
...YES
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:iconexudesaffluence:
ExudesAffluence Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
:iconmahboiplz: This story is what all true warriors strive for.

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:iconallenhour:
AllenHour Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
High five, my friend.
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:iconplasfyre:
Plasfyre Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Awesome.
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:iconpetirep:
petirep Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
HAHA!!! Oh that was just great!
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:iconpolice-box-traveler:
Police-Box-Traveler Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012
Lol, needs to be an episode of RDP. XD
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:iconrealnerevar:
RealNerevar Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
should be called "rainbow factory"
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:iconpolice-box-traveler:
Police-Box-Traveler Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
RD: "Rainbow Dash Presents...Rainbow Factory! *whispers* ...but secretly it's Captain Hook the Biker Gorilla."
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:iconwykindly:
wykindly Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Don't tell Trixie Variety Hour.
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